but this deer is our favorite.
If there's one thing the three of us learned during our week in the south, its that deer fucking LOVE wheat thins.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Day 3 - BEST. DEER. EVER.
I don't know if its weird to have a favorite deer,
but this deer is our favorite.
If there's one thing the three of us learned during our week in the south, its that deer fucking LOVE wheat thins.
but this deer is our favorite.
If there's one thing the three of us learned during our week in the south, its that deer fucking LOVE wheat thins.
Day 3 - BOONE COUNTY MOONSHINE
We cross into Kentucky at 9:05pm on day 2. We go to Sonic for dinner. Our carhop's name is Gunner, he rollerskates at the speeeeeeed of light! We figure out that we've officially driven 1000 miles by the time we reach Boone County.
We stay at a Holiday Inn. Its really nice, but there may be blood on the floor. No big deal. I find the greatest cd ever, adandoned in a Waffle House parking lot - "Chelsey and Rob'z Mix 2008." That's right - ROB'Z WITH A Z. Apparently Chelsey and Rob broke up. Imagine that fight? In a Waffle House parking lot? I bet it was all flying cd's and yelling things you just can't take back.
On the morning of day 3 we stop at a tea shop after Christopher Walken leads us to a self-serve Dunkin' Donuts kiosk in a gas station, dashing what little hope we had of finding a god damn bagel anywhere in the southern United States. The tea place just looks like a normal store, until we notice a room filled with SAY SOMETHING HATS, gloves, mink stoles, and tiaras leading to multiple tea parlours. It is the greatest place on the face of the earth, even though it is no doubt frequented only by the Red Hat Society and 6 year old girls.
First stop in Louisville is Lynn's Paradise Cafe to see a giant coffee pot. Available inside are fake mustaches, Abraham Lincoln lollipops, vegan waiters and a large map. Swell!
Starbucks Barista: Where you guys goin?
Kait: 1st were headed to Louisville, then Cave City, and eventually Tennessee... Alabama, Georgia and West Virginia.
Barista: Just a big ol' roadtrip, huh?
Kait: Yep.
Barista: I get off at four if you're still around...
Kait: Well there's some room in the trunk if you want to come.
Barista: Is there an escape latch on the inside?
Kait: Absolutely not.
At this point the car starts shaking violently. AWESOME. We try to get Christopher Walken to find us someplace where we can get an oil change, to no avail. Instead he proceeds to point out every Chevron station within a 100 mile radius of us for the rest of the trip.
The cemetery Colonel Sanders is in is amazing. Huge graves, mausoleums, statues and magnolias blooming everywhere. If there was ever any doubt we were in the South, its gone now. We have a grand old time paying homage to the Colonel until a little old lady with a "COLONEL" license place catches us draped all over his grave in hideous fake moustaches.
"This mustache... is perfect for my lip-line." -Big Jakke B
We go to see the World's Largest Baseball Bat. It certainly is large. We find the World's Largest Vampire Bat on the way to the World's Largest Bottle of Booze.
There are four distinct areas of Louisville: Artsy, Nice, Business, and Shit. The shit part smells like bread rising, flowers, and hell. Other subtle aromas include refried beans, potatoes, and chlorine.
Leaving Louisville we see a billboard for "Cox's smokers outlet." I promptly text Cody because he is the only person I know who will appreciate it as much as I do. We eat at an Iron Skillet off the highway on the way to Cave City. Dreams really do come true! I've been talking up the Iron Skillet to Kait and Jakke since I went to one with my Pop in Indiana, 7 years ago. This Iron Skillet consists of a restaurant (all skillets, all the time), a store, bathrooms, a laundry, showers, an arcade, a salon, and a movie theater. How boss is THAT?
Our first stop in Cave City is Dinosaur World. It is BALLS HOT at Dinosaur World. We walk through once to make sure we've seen everything, then double back and break into all the attractions. We go looking for an abandoned Bible Mini Golf Course. It becomes clear to us that we are going the wrong way, out into the country side. I feed a deer wheat thins on the highway. He is far too close for comfort, but he fraggin' ADORES wheat thins.
"Please be carrying hubcaps. Please be carrying hubcaps. Please be carrying hubcaps. HAHA! She's got hubcaps!" - Kait on an 8 year old girl we pass in the middle of nowhere.
Drove out to Wigwam Village # 2. On the drive to Nashville, we start to worry that that deer is either dead, poisoned by wheat thins, or is ransacking country homes on a mad search for crackers. The antenna on the CB radio sticks to the car for a whopping 10 minutes before it gets knocked off. We pull over and reel it back in.
Nashville is fun. We're there on a regular old Tuesday night. There is live music everywhere, EVERYONE is drunk. Jakke gets to go to a Honkey Tonk. She almost cries.
Day 3 was aces.
We stay at a Holiday Inn. Its really nice, but there may be blood on the floor. No big deal. I find the greatest cd ever, adandoned in a Waffle House parking lot - "Chelsey and Rob'z Mix 2008." That's right - ROB'Z WITH A Z. Apparently Chelsey and Rob broke up. Imagine that fight? In a Waffle House parking lot? I bet it was all flying cd's and yelling things you just can't take back.
On the morning of day 3 we stop at a tea shop after Christopher Walken leads us to a self-serve Dunkin' Donuts kiosk in a gas station, dashing what little hope we had of finding a god damn bagel anywhere in the southern United States. The tea place just looks like a normal store, until we notice a room filled with SAY SOMETHING HATS, gloves, mink stoles, and tiaras leading to multiple tea parlours. It is the greatest place on the face of the earth, even though it is no doubt frequented only by the Red Hat Society and 6 year old girls.
First stop in Louisville is Lynn's Paradise Cafe to see a giant coffee pot. Available inside are fake mustaches, Abraham Lincoln lollipops, vegan waiters and a large map. Swell!
Starbucks Barista: Where you guys goin?
Kait: 1st were headed to Louisville, then Cave City, and eventually Tennessee... Alabama, Georgia and West Virginia.
Barista: Just a big ol' roadtrip, huh?
Kait: Yep.
Barista: I get off at four if you're still around...
Kait: Well there's some room in the trunk if you want to come.
Barista: Is there an escape latch on the inside?
Kait: Absolutely not.
At this point the car starts shaking violently. AWESOME. We try to get Christopher Walken to find us someplace where we can get an oil change, to no avail. Instead he proceeds to point out every Chevron station within a 100 mile radius of us for the rest of the trip.
The cemetery Colonel Sanders is in is amazing. Huge graves, mausoleums, statues and magnolias blooming everywhere. If there was ever any doubt we were in the South, its gone now. We have a grand old time paying homage to the Colonel until a little old lady with a "COLONEL" license place catches us draped all over his grave in hideous fake moustaches.
"This mustache... is perfect for my lip-line." -Big Jakke B
We go to see the World's Largest Baseball Bat. It certainly is large. We find the World's Largest Vampire Bat on the way to the World's Largest Bottle of Booze.
There are four distinct areas of Louisville: Artsy, Nice, Business, and Shit. The shit part smells like bread rising, flowers, and hell. Other subtle aromas include refried beans, potatoes, and chlorine.
Leaving Louisville we see a billboard for "Cox's smokers outlet." I promptly text Cody because he is the only person I know who will appreciate it as much as I do. We eat at an Iron Skillet off the highway on the way to Cave City. Dreams really do come true! I've been talking up the Iron Skillet to Kait and Jakke since I went to one with my Pop in Indiana, 7 years ago. This Iron Skillet consists of a restaurant (all skillets, all the time), a store, bathrooms, a laundry, showers, an arcade, a salon, and a movie theater. How boss is THAT?
Our first stop in Cave City is Dinosaur World. It is BALLS HOT at Dinosaur World. We walk through once to make sure we've seen everything, then double back and break into all the attractions. We go looking for an abandoned Bible Mini Golf Course. It becomes clear to us that we are going the wrong way, out into the country side. I feed a deer wheat thins on the highway. He is far too close for comfort, but he fraggin' ADORES wheat thins.
"Please be carrying hubcaps. Please be carrying hubcaps. Please be carrying hubcaps. HAHA! She's got hubcaps!" - Kait on an 8 year old girl we pass in the middle of nowhere.
Drove out to Wigwam Village # 2. On the drive to Nashville, we start to worry that that deer is either dead, poisoned by wheat thins, or is ransacking country homes on a mad search for crackers. The antenna on the CB radio sticks to the car for a whopping 10 minutes before it gets knocked off. We pull over and reel it back in.
Nashville is fun. We're there on a regular old Tuesday night. There is live music everywhere, EVERYONE is drunk. Jakke gets to go to a Honkey Tonk. She almost cries.
Day 3 was aces.
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